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I know how it rains,
How your misplaced jealousy pours unfairly.
The tears won't extinguish
The rate at which we're self-destructing.

I know it isn't you pushing me aside
'Cause you're stuck inside yourself,
Staring through a one-way mirror

Alone in your new head,
Stoned by a poisonned conscience,
Soothed by a fickle lover.

Every time you gave up
Our shoulders sagged together
'Cause we're broken the same way,

This time, I saw something die
The fabric of our past
Isn't strong enough to break this fall.

Silence is too easy
but it is my only answer.
One minute's silence for what we were, once.
©2007-2009 =brandstifterin
:iconbrandstifterin:

Author's Comments

This is one which I wrote a couple of weeks ago, which I've come back to, am happier with it, although I'm not convinced of the ending's strength.

Comments


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:iconyudle:
I like it.... [even thow I didn't understand it perfectly...lol]

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One thing that you see is not only what you see but also what it represents to you...
:iconbrandstifterin:
Thank You. It's about the end of a relationship really, not much else to it!

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46,145 steps to heaven?!

Could he daily feel a stab of hunger for her and find nourishment in the very sight of her? I think so. But would she see through the bars of his plight and ache for him?
:iconanangelsfeather:
I love this :heart:
Mostly the beginning is very beautiful, with the rain and stuff :)
I also love all of the other images in the poem... of the one-way mirror for example.
With the ending's strength... I like it, maybe you should only add an "once" to it and add a line break after "One minute's silence".
To my eyes, the placement of the line break always changes the meaning ;)

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Living is being born slowly... It would be a little too easy if we could borrow ready-made souls.
:iconlilyflowa:
I like it. It really epitomizes my feelings over the ending of a relationship with my friend. It really speaks to me, great job! As for the ending, I love the "one minutes silence for who we are" but I think maybe the " but it is my only answer" isn't quite right.

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Wow what a journey...there's light at the end of the tunnel people! There's only one person who can show it to you, and He isn't really a person at all. :-) <3 Jesus
"Who ARE you?" "I'm the Doctor!" David Tennant will you marry me?
:iconsona26:
Wow awsome poem. I like it!!!

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I became insane with long intervals of sanity.......
:iconbrandstifterin:
Thank you very much XD

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46,145 steps to heaven?!

Could he daily feel a stab of hunger for her and find nourishment in the very sight of her? I think so. But would she see through the bars of his plight and ache for him?
:iconbrandstifterin:
Thanks, it took a lot of thought to write, I wanted it be as close to tose feelings as possible and I don't think it's too far off at all.
Fair point about 'but it is my only answer', the line I was working on was that the persona knew silence wasn't the best idea but as they didn't have any other ideas it was their only answer to this problem.

--
46,145 steps to heaven?!

Could he daily feel a stab of hunger for her and find nourishment in the very sight of her? I think so. But would she see through the bars of his plight and ache for him?
:iconbrandstifterin:
Vielen Dank. Es regnet wie Traenen und es ist einfach zu verstehen als andere Sache in dies Gedicht. Der Spiegel war wie Augen.
Ah, ich mag 'once' am Ende dies Gedicht, toll :D

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46,145 steps to heaven?!

Could he daily feel a stab of hunger for her and find nourishment in the very sight of her? I think so. But would she see through the bars of his plight and ache for him?
:iconanangelsfeather:
My pleasure :)

--
Living is being born slowly... It would be a little too easy if we could borrow ready-made souls.

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August 25, 2007
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